Edited 6/18/24
Abused Power.
I try my best to keep my personal life and professional life separated.
I know.
The professional and the personal are all encompassed in this single body.
Logistically, it is impossible.
I know.
However, I still aim to keep the two separated.
Out of protection.
Out of safety.
Out of professionalism.
Out of stewardship.
Out of helping others.
Yet, there was a time that my professional life and personal life became interwoven, and it was impossible to keep the two separated.
Abused Power.
When Bad Blood by John Carreyrou was released, I had a hand full of people encourage me to read the book because of my connections to the science and technology community. Most know that I live and breathe in this community and have done so for more than a decade. As people encouraged me to read the book, outwardly I would agree with them, but inside, my internal nervous system would erupt in a blaze from the anticipation of the topics that could hit too close to this internal being that I knew would be addressed in the book.
Abused Power.
I bought the book in early 2022. Throughout the year, I would try to start the book and would close it as quick as I opened it because of something that I read that was triggering. Ultimately, I had placed the book on my bookshelf so that it could start collecting dust. In December 2022, I took a trip to Arizona. I wanted to read a book while on the trip but had no time to go to the bookstore.
Yes, I know there are audio books and digital books, but I like holding a book in hand.
The night before I left for the trip, I shuffled through my bookshelf and landed on Bad Blood. I decided that this trip would be the perfect time to read the book in its entirety. I gave myself permission to feel all the emotions and felt safe enough to manage the triggers that would resurface. I knew that this trip would give me the space that I needed to breathe as I read the book. I journaled through the book and although it was hard at times for me to read, it was enlightening.
Abused Power.
Bad Blood carefully and clearly depicts how power can be abused. It unfolds how charisma, charm, and intellect can beautifully package deception and manipulation. It highlights the impact that this conundrum has on an individual and community. It showcases how projections from an individual and company reveals one’s true character and how those projections manifest into threats, accusations, lies, and legal representation.
Abused Power.
Although there were many topics that were addressed in this book that I could resonate with, I will focus on one that I think is more prevalent in structures that are built on hierarchy.
One that makes most of us uncomfortable.
Abused power.
In October 2021, I received an email from an attorney that a company that I used to work for had hired asking me to sign a termination agreement. I had stopped working for this company in January 2021 and had pulled away from all connections with the company. When I received the email from the attorney with the attached agreement, my body immediately began to shake, and my head started to tingle and eventually numb. I was in between meetings when I received the email. I took the moment to briefly read the agreement, and I was appalled by what was in the agreement. I was very familiar with termination agreements and immediately recognized that this agreement was vastly different.
The agreement asked for me not to sue the company based on specific things that were done to me while working for the company, including the sexual abuse, sexual assaults, sexual harassments that I experienced from the leader of this company. It also clearly detailed things that I witnessed and conversations that I heard from leadership while working for the company including derogatory statements about sex, race, and cultures.
The agreement further threatened me that if I disclosed the agreement to anyone other than my attorney and immediate family members, that it would disclose information about my company, Rooted Startups, and further, would sue the company. All of which were false allegations.
In my shaken state, my knee jerk reaction was to sign the agreement so that the leader of this company would leave me alone. I wanted the threats and the destruction from this individual leading up to the agreement being sent to me to stop.
In a protective manner, I didn’t want these threats to manifest into something that would be life altering for me. In a practical manner, I had no money in my bank account to defend myself or my company against the threats of this leader and company.
I didn’t sign it.
At first, I ignored the email and ignored the agreement. However, after the attorney emailed me a third time to sign the agreement and told me that I could bring my own legal council into discussion, I responded. I told the attorney that I would not be signing the agreement and that I would not be bringing in an attorney to aid in this matter.
It was not worth my time, resources, or money to battle this disgruntle individual and company.
Abused Power.
The science and technology startup community is painfully riddled with occurrences like mine. Some in this community have experienced so much more. Many innocent hardworking individuals that want to help grow the company are left shaken, fearful, and utterly defeated.
Yet, within the startup community there are little consequences for the one that is in power that causes this destruction on an individual. Instead, the individual is further lifted by the community.
However, in this community, I have heard from individuals of power that their company does not have to adhere to state and federal guidelines because the company is below the regulated threshold. I have heard from individuals in power that their company does not have to provide policies to protect their employees. Yet, when the same individual or company is in turmoil they are fully represented by a legal team, leaving the employee without benefits, little protection, and little pay, completely vulnerable.
Abused Power.
As I continue to work through untangling my experience, I have realized that some attorneys and overall community can be driven by the charisma, intellect, and money from the individual that is abusing their power. I have learned that my circumstance was partly a result of post-separation abuse and partly driven by fear from the leader. This individual was trying one last shot to isolate me within the community, recruiting flying monkeys for support, trying to increase my legal expenses, and using intimidation and fear tactics to try to make me think that I had caused these problem, all of which were projections from the leader of the company.
Abused Power.
If you are reading this and have been in a situation that an individual in power has used their status to take advantage of you, get the support that you need. Seek relationships, books, and podcasts that can help explain and validate your experience.
If you are reading this and you are in a level of power, although I would argue that all of us have a level of power, consider your power.
Consider to whom you have power over.
If you are in the science and technology startup community and you hear power being abused, speak up.
It’s hard.
I know.
You may decide not to speak up, and quiet honestly there is power that comes from the unspoken.
Personally, there are times that I decide not to speak up because I know my voice will fall on deaf ears.
In those times, my power derives from my listening.
There are times, however, that I decide to speak up because I know there are individuals in the very same room that I am sitting in that can make a difference.
Regardless, no matter what role you play, consider who you are.
Consider who you are sitting next to.
Consider your power.
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